RUSSELL HICKS

Whatever Happened to Lazy People??

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Everybody everywhere is always telling me how hard they are working. Luckily, I miss most of it having abstained from the book of faces, or the Instaglam (not a typo – I mean business today!). Comedians are the worst. I find it to be a personal affront to the Comedy Gods if we do not incorporate at least one or two, ok, fine, three or four days, of absolute sloth, especially in the morning time, into our week. 

“I like to be busy.” When I hear that I weep inside that someone could be so miserable in their own company that they have to fill their day with generally useless busy work. Me, I love hanging out with old ME, the guys a hoot! Sure he used to pipe up about regrets or fears, but through a system of easter soul searching I have for the most part taught him to just shut his trap and watch The A-Team. 

It’s all those celebrity routine articles. First off they are always so damn rigid that it is impossible to take them seriously. I remember tearing my hair out because I tried to follow Tim Ferris’s routine once, but kept getting annoyed that I couldn’t finish my breakfast at EXACTLY 10:30 am! I mean come on, we are on a schedule here! I have to be in the gym by, well, 10:30! 

That’s the thing, these routines are always so rigid. Am I supposed to believe that Ferris or Wahlberg drop their spoon at literally 10:30 am, then grab a pair of dumbbells at their feet? Where is the twenty to thirty minutes a man spends all day scratching his balls? No toilet breaks were included in this routine, my lord gentleman, are we to assume you have hooked up some kind of catheter to increase productivity? 

Look, I’m as guilty as the next person for falling into this kind of behavior. Problem with quantifying every last minute of your day, is that you begin to become aware of how much of your day is just, well, nothing. Beautiful nothing! My solution to those productivity blues? JUSTIFY YOUR ACTIONS! I’m not ‘watching tv’ I’m ‘filling the well of my own creativity’! See how easy that is? Not to mention being top busy puts you in a constant state of chasing. Never happy with the present moment, always one eye on the clock thinking damn it, Tim Ferris already wrote two blogs and took a class in Krav Maga by now! 

I’m not saying don’t do something. Just don’t do something for the sole sake of feeling like you are doing something. The point in life, is to ESCAPE the rat race, do you hear me?! 

One of the great lines from the Simpsons is rom season five, episode twenty. When Bart attempts to show off in front of Lisa’s new friends. The kids, unimpressed: 

“That kid tries too hard, man.” 

Relax everybody, we’re all going to get there, I promise. 

Now sit down, you’re making me nervous.