RUSSELL HICKS

90’s Milestones

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Yesterday I met someone who was born in nineteen ninety-seven. Doesn’t that make you ill? What kind of science fiction baby is that. Is it normal to think you were born in just the right time? 

I got to see some real milestones.

1989 – the advent of the Nintendo Entertainment System. I think we can all agree that, no one would have felt any the worse off for having missed Atari. There was no greater joy than the Nintendo. I not only witnessed it’s inception, but I got to see it evolve through all of it’s iterations up to the present day. 

1989-1998 (roughly) The Simpsons. I still remember seeing the first commercial for it. Based solely on the aesthetics, I was hooked. Then came the glorious period where, if you can believe it, Bart Simpson t-shirts were banned from school. This was like, priority number one in America at the time. What else was there to do? Pay attention to the climate? 

If you were born in 97’ I need not remind you of the iteration of Simpsons you’ve had to endure for the past twenty years. 

I saw the President admit live on television that he got his dick sucked in the oval office. Then we shamed her for the rest of her life. What a double standard; she’s a hero, what if she’d pegged him instead? Explaining that to  middle America would have been great to see. 

That’s what we need. A president liberal enough to get pegged in the oval office. Enough of this bland dick sucking. 

Two of our most famous hip-hop artists shot each other dead. Yeah. Think about that the next time Taylor Swift has a Twitter beef. 

Our rappers actually DID shoot each other, they didn’t just sing about it! 

I saw nine-eleven. Or is it 9/11. Looks better the second way. First one looks like a very poorly named convenient store. Well, I didn’t see it. I live on the West Coast. So, I was asleep at the moment. WEREN’T WE ALL, MAN???

No, I really was though. Politically, I was the best example of exactly why there should be basic intelligence tests required to vote.  

Comedy was really good after 9/11. For about ten years, hit after hit. Comics started playing little rock clubs. Bush bashing was endlessly fun. My generation had never heard it really given to a president before. Now, it’s lame, I know. 

I saw the invention of MySpace, YouTube, Twitter, Facebook, and Podcasting. 

Oh, and the iPhone. 

And that’s where our paths converge little twenty-three year old. 

So, yeah I have seen a lot. Not bad, really, a nice time to witness; a few little cultural milestones. What have you kids seen, that’s what I feel bad about. 

Born in 97’ it’s all just kind of dreary. What? Covid-19? The 2016 election? 

Poor kids. 

I really hope that two of your pop stars shoot each other very soon.